November 17, 2010 @ 8:39 pm by sean
These are funny when you’re tired. Somewhere recently I read this anti-joke-like poem, which primed me for finding that site funny:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
Andy has a song with some lyrics that go like this:
If the good Lord had a garden, I’d eat from every tree
If Jesus walked on water, I think I’d at least could swim
That second one is money at the moment.
I hate the phrase “at the moment.”
Especially because that moment has been a few months long.
He also has a song called Judas and Jonah that asks Jonah “what it takes to be a better man” and Judas “how to deal with losing friends.” An aperçu? No, I just wanted to use that word because clever is overused these days. I’d post all the lyrics here, but that seems so xanga 2003. So is myspace, but….
The common theme lately is trying to justify my existence. Not in a grand existential-crisis way, or quarter-life crisis kind of way, but in a day to day wondering if what I do justifies my existence/being bummed that it doesn’t. Just that.
One of the justifications for my appreciation winter is it’s undeniable proof of life – when one is shivering and cold, one’s existence is undeniable. For a while now I’ve been afraid to be happy, lest I get distracted and neglect justification of my existence in an ephemeral, superficial moment of joy; it’s easier to focus on it when everything is wrong.
My car is in the shop and Andrew and Abby let me borrow their car with Montana plates. It was a revelation. I love Michigan, but I don’t really fit into this suburban commute kinda thing, and it was a relief to feel like a foreigner. It’s a 90’s Explorer, I feel that fits my persona better. “I’m not like you guys,” I’m just here because I have to be. A vehicular representation of how I feel.
Plus that they care enough to let me borrow their car brought some justification to my existence, which changes the air a bit.