December 5, 2009 @ 2:30 am by sean
Well, it’s kinda working. I haven’t found it on google yet, but I figured out the referrers on indexhibit. And I figured out that since I posted it on good ol’ livejournal, and that showed up as a post on a friend’s lj friends list someone clicked the link from there. Bonus! Thanks, Justin, for clicking the link. I’m assuming you’re the reason it shows a link from this here website. Maybe someday I’ll show up on google sooner than page 46; and not as a link to this blog through Sarah Baranski’s website but to my real website. I’m up to 13 unique visitors (though I’m one, and me on my parents computer is another. But 11!)
Besides that, I had a crisis last night about branding myself on my website. And that’ll probably change because I felt gross.
I just watched Gran Torino with my parents. I saw it once and didn’t particularly like it. Now I live five minutes away from where it was filmed/took place. But I have no thoughts on that. There is humor watching that movie with all the foul-mouthed insults in the presence of my parents, which compels me to laugh. And then laugh even harder when they laugh. I never thought I’d hear my mother laugh at those words.
An obvious theme of that film was about his lack of relationship with his sons. The commentary speaks about the American male car culture (which, coming from a Detroiter, none of them except the Detroiters seemed much like car guys) and the father and son bonding birthed from that. It’s odd to watch that movie within the conscious realm of my father. The immediate thought is to consider my relationship to him, which is something I’ve considered plenty before. And so too I assume is he. But to acknowledge that thought, is to acknowledge that we don’t have the relationship that Walt had with Thao; that we don’t have the relationship that ’68 Mustang guy in the special feature had with his dad, with whom the dad bought the car and they worked on it together during the sons teenage years. But also to acknowledge we don’t have the relationship Walt has with his own sons. The relationship my dad has with me is well beyond what my dad has with my grandpa – and well beyond that of many fathers and sons, and I’m quite thankful for that. While at the same time, still left wanting. It’s in my thoughts more as I get older. My dad always had the intention to be the father who bonded over cars, but it just never happened. I certainly got a good foundation on maintaining my car from him, but I think we both knew it was what we’d anticipated. He’s mentioned once in the past about not being around to talk as much as he’d like to, and at the time I responded openly about the situation I was in, but for whatever reason it never progressed much. He mentioned disappointment last year about not having anyone to pass down his deer hunting knowledge to, so this year I went deer hunting with him. Kristyn and I have plenty to say about our relationship with our parents, and why we are how we are because of how they’ve raised us. We both reached nearly the same conclusions independently back in college and have continued to enlighten each other since. We’ve taken slightly different paths with those conclusions, and I seek out when I can to be the son I want to be to do my part in enabling the father-son relationship I desire. But since Kristyn and I have discussed this so thoroughly, I don’t feel compelled to continue writing on the topic. Instead, I wish I could write without using such an abundance of two letter words.
Do people have baited breath any other time than when waiting?