February 2, 2009 @ 8:50 pm by sean
Leading only by example solely guarantees that the leader does all the work. Unfortunately I don’t know how else to lead.
The honeymoon is over and I’ve managed to ruin another employee, the best I had. I don’t know what I did, a matter of circumstances, perhaps. I was forced to cut her hours when she wanted more, she didn’t get the raise she should have. But also she went from hating every employee but me, to liking the only other employee but me she works with. When she hated everyone she worked, because she didn’t want to talk to anyone besides me. But now that she has something to say to someone else, chatty ensues and work ends. I’d hoped I was immune from this. I didn’t think she’d ever like any of them, and I still don’t know why she does.
People with timid personalities aren’t meant to be bosses – especially with strong-willed, attitude filled employees.
It doesn’t help when that timid boss has an attachment to that employee.
She was my first new -completely new- friend in a while. Considering how many friends I had just lost to vicinity this was important. And at first it had been going well. As long as I was the only one at work she liked I always had an opportunity, but I’ve recently been replaced. Perhaps she doesn’t like me any less, but she certainly likes to talk to her more. The ramifications are problematic for me, and if this moment is the end, I’ve failed again.
I can only take this on going sense of failure so long.
My new job doesn’t offer much relief either. I didn’t get that job on any merits of my own, she just hired me. So now I feel I need to prove her right, validate her decision. Not until I build some rapport will I not feel on the verge of failing again.
There isn’t much more in my life than these two jobs.
It’s been so long since I just been to a café and just sat on one of those big comfy chairs and just relaxed. Yet I’m at a café 85% of the week.
Last Wednesday I sent myself an email, with the contents as follows:
coffee on the floor
left and leaving
The intent was to remind me to write something in here about how my life had taken on some enchanting qualities.
They are gone.