January 26, 2009 @ 7:06 pm by sean
I don’t think it’s a midlife “crisis.” This financial situation is a crisis. We’re in some serious trouble there. The sudden middle-aged realization of 20 years wasted is only a crisis for those hoping all will maintain the status quo. But to those striking this epiphany, it’s freedom. A midlife reawakening. Liberation. The potential of the last 20 years or so becomes suddenly obvious. “I could have been riding this motorcycle all these years, why did I wait until now?” “We really could have taken these trips to Europe before if we hadn’t been so overly concerned about our finances.” “All those years in front of the TV when so many people could have benefited from my free time.” “Playing in this band would probably have been twice as fun if I was still 24.”
That’s where I’m at now. It’s not been concealed from me that this is somewhat the prime of my life. The first 22 years only got subsequently better. Then the joke mentality I once possessed set in that life after college is a prolonged process of dying that one spent the first 20-some years preparing for. I’ll be one of the last you’ll ever hear say anything positive about my drumming abilities. A year ago some of the potential was finally reached as Dave, Aaron and I played music together. Dave, of course, left for Indonesia not to long after and now I’m left with none or few that I desire to play music with. I haven’t played with musicians that talented (relative to my own talent) since the ’01-’02 rhythm section of our high school jazz band. I can play however. And want to. I have a drumset. Sticks. And no one to play with. Drums, while superior to guitars, are unfortunately burdened with being difficult to pick up and play a recognizable tune to. Especially since I can’t sing. I’m concerned that if I don’t play in a band now, that I never will. And never with the ability with which I once possessed. And it doesn’t end with drumming either. It’s with everything else that comes with the expected ease of my youth. Seize the day! With what? When one has spent so long wheezing instead of seizing, it’s hard to see what even there is to seize.
This is one of my two favorite TED talks. Incredibly inspirational, enlightening, and entertaining. Worth every second of the 20 minutes. Plus, Chopin’s Prelude in E minor, Opus 28 Number 4 is sublime and the manner he uses it in demonstration is magnificent. I would learn piano just to learn that song. One button living. I have to think about life as a whole, and not just this moment, this day, this week, this month, this year, this lacking, this apparent failure, this quietness, this sin, this.
Before I could stop the thought from happening today on my way to the bathroom, it formed as this: I like my toilets as I like my women – virgin and monogamous. As far as the use of public toilets go, there is nothing like being the first to use a freshly cleaned one. If, though, I cannot prevent the infidelity of the familiar porcelain at work, I would certainly prefer that no one else use the one I frequent.
I ended with this, because a comparison to toilets and women sounds disrespectful, and I mean none, to neither females nor American Standard.
“collaborative conversational loitering” is not a phrase I want to forget.