January 6, 2006 @ 2:12 pm by sean
Sometimes I think that this feeling I have that I’m some how missing something in life is a delusion I’ve accepted from what is portrayed in movies.
Guiltless sex and falling in love. Of course people watch movies, that’s exactly what they want, but know in real life it doesn’t exist like that. Do any movies ever show the relationship, or just the falling in love? The only reason Gardenstate took it any further than any other movie I’ve seen is that he at least asked ‘So what do we do?’ There is no answer of course. Unless kissing is supposed to be the answer. Or unless the viewer is left to question the possibilities. I have my own relationships to try and figure out the exact same questions, so what’s the point in watching a movie to show me some fanciful way of getting into a relationship that provides me with no questions or answers or thoughts on life I didn’t already have? Well, I suppose I don’t have my own relationship anymore because I couldn’t figure out the answer to ‘So what do we do?’
What makes Gardenstate so great? Maybe it’s another situation where it was built up so much that by the time I actually see it, I expect something life changing. Maybe it’s because the situation I’m in this isn’t the kind of story I wanted to hear. Maybe I’m just jealous. It was just another two strangers have sex, fall in love, and are committed to each other for the rest of their lives having only known each other for four days movie. Same story, new characters, different location. I suppose I could relate a little with him coming home and seeing all his old friends and the awkwardness that can bring. And I guess him facing his dad or jumping into a pool when he can’t really swim or being in friendships is something I can relate to. But it was all so unremarkable, why would I want to watch someone else do that when I have my own life to live? It added no new perspective, gave me no new questions to think about, didn’t even hint at any new revelations about life
I’ve got the ‘falling in love part down,’ so how about a movie that actually starts to show the relationship? What movie doesn’t end where the relationship begins? Or is falling in love the only part worth making a movie about?
Unfortunately, movies are the only medium with a regular and consistent portrayal of love I have, and now I’m stuck trying to figure out what love between a man and a woman in a non-family, more than friendship kind of way is. If it’s what my parents have, I don’t think I want it. If it’s what any marriage in my family is, I don’t want it. If it’s what is supposedly between Kristyn and Eric, I don’t want it. If he had asked my permission and not just dad’s, I’m not sure I would have given it to him. Any marriage I’ve seen closely doesn’t look like something I want. They all seem to be missing something. The ones I only see sometimes seem good. Kelly and John seem like they love each other. I really only know Kelly. Her parents do, but I rarely see them at all.
Somewhere I’m missing something. My motivations, my expectations, my classifications, my attitude, my understandings, my knowledge, my desires, my needs. Something, somewhere in there is wrong. At least I hope it is. Not just in love, or friendship, or success. All of life. Maybe I’m expecting perfection while being told it won’t happen this side of heaven.
I think the less movies I watch, the more dissapointed I am with each movie I do see.