July 5, 2005 @ 6:29 pm by sean
I have a new constant fear that every morning when I wake up, it will all have just been a dream. Mostly because I don’t want it to end, but also because I’d look like a pretty big fool having said the things I did and no one would have any clue why. My previous posts are still there, and previous emails, so I’ll assume it’s real or I’m still dreaming.
My Morning Glories are blooming!
I didn’t think I would have to work Friday. I thought if I did have to work, then I would get out early. Then I got out an hour late. I’m still alive though, so I guess it’s alright. I headed up to the cottage from there. Mom, dad, Kristyn and Eric were already up. I unloaded my stuff and had a hard cider. I’d rather have regular cider. Alcohol being in a drink isn’t enough motivatin for me to drink it. If it doesn’t taste good, I don’t want it. Hard cider, hard lemonade, hard anything usually tastes pretty bad. Regular lemonade is pretty darn good though. And hot apple cider on a cold fall evening, mmmmmm….
I woke up Saturday and hung around. Waited for people to show up. When Jillian, Carley, Sarah and Katie, and Mr. and Mrs. Vrazo, Alyson, Jaden and Gwendolyn showed up, I headed to the beach with them. The water was amazing! Thank God for global warming. Jon Law took Alyson, Jillian and I out on his catamaran. It’s only big enough for four, and that’s perfect size. We went straight out and and he stopped so I could jump off to swim. Then they left me like a half a mile from shore. They came back though. And then towed me behind all the way to shore. It was at least 20 minutes. It felt sooo good just getting pulled through the water only fast enough to keep me fully extended. By the time I got out though, I was cold all the way to my bones. It took another 20 minutes to get warm again, even in the hot sun on the hot beach. We hung out some more. Alyson, Jaden, Gwendolyn and I made a sand castle. The weather was fantastic. Then we walked back up to the cottage and had a good dinner and dessert. And Ben and Lisa showed up. Then it got dark and I made a fire, and then we wine tasted for my birthday celebration. All the Boelstlers came over. It was grand. I had about a full glass, but that was plenty in a short amount of time. Jon Sczep. got bored and started doing wine shots. Ech. No thanks. Out of 8 bottles of wine brought to the tasting, the only one that got finished was Boone’s Farm. How ironic. The least wine of them all was the most enjoyed. It was blue. It’s real wine, it says no fruit juice. It’s supposedly the traditional joke of wine tasting parties. Some brings either the blue flavor, red flavor, or green flavor. Then Jeff and Craig started fire works. They were usual I suppose. They get bigger every year. One close call, for the first time I remember. Ben and Lisa got me a great book, but I can’t say what it is. Carley and Jillian got me a wine guide that’s already been useful. Then Alyson and I went and had a great talk. Too long though, as those who were driving her were eager to leave.
Lesson learned Saturday: some people are hosts, some people are guests, some people are both. I, am a guest, and my non-hosting tendancies were affirmed.
I got up Sunday and left for Carley’s. After stopping home to shower, I headed to Carley’s to meet up with her, Katie and Ken – two of Carley’s friends from Hope. Then to Kelly and John’s wedding in Ann Arbor. The service was about 45 minutes. Kelly looked unhealthaly skinny, but that’s Kelly. She looked beautiful regardless. Then to Lavonia for the reception. The parting gift or whatever it’s called, was a booklet of poetry they had written to eachother over the years. That’s classy. Some of them almost made me cry. I was certainly in intelligent company at the table I was at. Most of them went to Hope College. Katie, my ‘date’ was a chemistry pre-med major. Ken, Carley’s date was also pre-med, but I don’t remember his major. He took a neurological science class for fun. But it brought his GPA down to a ‘horrible’ 3.4. John’s cousin Steve is also pre-med, his date, and I think his girlfriend is starting at MSU in the fall for vetrinary. Steve’s cousin might also have been pre-med, and her two friends went to UofM and another school, one for something intelligent that I forgot, and I forgot the other. Carley is going to school for French and international business. I honestly felt a little under IQ’d. Carley and Ken danced, Katie and I did not. Thankfully neither of us wanted to. At Katie’s internship, a company has a product that relieves the effects of poison ivy. They know what is in the product, but they don’t know why it works. Also, people know what is in poison ivy, but they don’t know exactly why it does what it does. So Katie and others are researching and synthesizing the different parts of the product, and of poison ivy trying to figure why poison ivy does what it does, and how this product fixes it. I mount stuff on presentation board. We still had great conversation, she is similar to me in a few ways, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to meet and converse with her. Joel Saucey was there. It’s been quite a while since we had spoken. He has certainly matured a lot since we last spoke. It was a good conversation that I am thankful for. Then I drove back to the cottage. I missed Kayleigh. She even asked about me. I knew she still liked me, not that other boy. I hope she goes canoeing. She’s probably 7 now. I should find out when her birthday is so I can get her something. I missed Ian too. I’m going to try to get to his grad party on Sunday though.
Monday morning I rose early and golfed with David, Jon, and Eric. We went to the same course as last time, and I took 30 strokes off my score. And I still shot over double par. Though only 4 over. Par = 70. This time it’s a little less certain what I am doing wrong. I’ll have to go to the driving range soon if I decide this is something worth the money and effort. It was a good day to golf. Golf can be frustrating and peaceful all the same time. We came back from golfing, and then went to the beach and went water skiing. Kara and Steve bought my family water skiis for my birthday. Whomever first had the idea of strapping two boards to their feet, holding on to a rope and getting pulled through the water behind a boat sure knew what it took to have a good time. I wish all the world had the ability and opportunity to water ski, it is well worth it. Even though Lake Huron is a little choppy, and I am increadibly sore right now, to be standing on the water just gliding across at 20 mph is an experience like no other. Hopefully now mom and dad won’t sell the boat. I think next to air, water is my favorite. Two days on boats, two times getting pulled behind. It wouldn’t have been nearly as fun to ski behind the catamaran because it would have been impossible. And it wouldn’t have been as fun to get dragged behind the boat because it would have hurt real bad. By the time we left the beach, everyone had headed home besides grandma, David, mom and dad, and I. So we had dinner, packed up and left.
I got home and unpacked, called Ben, and headed over their place for s’mores on the roof. But it rained and they were all getting off the roof when I arrived. Joel Vile was there, I haven’t seen him in a long time. He has an internship at an advertising corporation too. So we played Texas Hold ’em. I don’t really like that game much. There was one miraculous hand I got where I beat Matt’s four of a kind. And the only thing that beats that is a royal flush. I’m not sure I’ve seen a four of a kind in Texas Hold ’em, and I’ve certainly never seen a royal flush. And then both in one hand is just stupid. I dealt. I hope they don’t think I cheated. I really have no idea how to. So we played a little more, then I took Alyson home, then went to bed.
And now here are the thoughts.
I have two big problems with myself.
The first, in no order you need to concern yourself with, is that I have too many friends. I’ve always had a lot of friends. I haven’t always had close friends, but usually they were high in number, as they are now. That never really mattered until this summer. This summer there are a lot of people that mean a lot to me, that I would like to maintain contact with, that I’m just not physically able to do so. And that makes me very sad. And that makes me a bad friend. Analogy. The CD case I keep in my car has 24 slots. There are probably at least 40 CDs in the case. If anyone of them was played, I would enjoy it. They are all CDs I like to listen to, and wish to have ready. The problem is that putting that many CDs in that size case, means CDs don’t get cared for as well as they should, resulting in the inevitable scratching. And a scratched CD is painful to listen to. And just like I have too many CDs in one place, I have too many friends that I try to stay friends with. But inevitably, not all can stay in good shape at once. And then I feel horrible when CDs start to go bad. The problem is, with this many, any one can go bad at anytime. I have certain CDs I like and listen to more often than others, but they are just as susceptable to scratching as any of the others. Friends though, have expectations that CDs don’t. Friends expect to be kept up, and not scratched. So now that they are starting to get scratched, I feel horrible. I wish I could be best friends with each and every one, but it just isn’t possible. It’s hardly possible to be just regular friends. And I feel really bad about this. And I apologize to all those who feel left behind by me, and to whom I haven’t been the greatest friend. I’m trying to be a good friend to more people than I can, and it results in many ok friends. I really don’t know what to do. All my friends are awesome people and I don’t want to lose a single one of them. I don’t know what to do.
My other problem, is that I think others are the same as I am. I think that others think the same, want the same, react the same, desire the same, respect the same, have the same point of view, have the same opinion, and so on. I turn subjective opinions in to objective truths. And that isn’t a good idea to any extent. I think that because I have a certain view of beauty, that all people should have the same. But just because I don’t like girls with revealing clothes, doesn’t other people find that not beautiful. Just because I like a certain design of a car, doesn’t make it any better designed than another. Sure, you can say that something has better technical aspects to it’s design and is a higher quality design, but regardless of that, if someone percieves a poorly designed anything as appealing, it is their prerogative, and I am no one to tell them they are wrong and not entitled to their opinion. I may think lower of their sense of quality design, and wish their appeal was to things of quality design, but we are all created as individuals, different from eachother. There may be a general consensus about famous people who people find beautiful, but there is certainly no standard that everyone agrees to. We each have our own taste, our own preference, our own style, so for me to criticize someone for that is pure vain foolishness. Especially if it results in my thinking less of them as a person. I wish no one listened to crappy pop music, and I think it is lower on the music technicality and quality scale, but if it honestly makes them happy, who am I to interefere. Sure, I wish all women wore respectable clothing, but my idea of respectable isn’t the same as everyone else’s, and not all women desire to dress in clothing such as that, and not all men find women dressed as such attractive. It’s astounding how often I, and others, take our subjective opinions and project them as facts, when it is certainly wrong to do. We are not all the same, and thank God for His efforts to make it so. Our opinions may the only reflection of who we are that people can see, but especially without knowing someone, it is a fallicy for me to find it acceptable to pass judgement on them. Like Bradley Hathaway’s fat fat lady on the beach poem(I forget it’s title.) I need to stop trying to make everyone else be just like myself, and thinking my subjective opinions are in anyway superior to those of others. The world would certainly be in trouble then. I think that just because when I see someone’s long post and go, Oh, I can’t read this all, that people do the same when they see mine.
However, I will still correlate driving abilities with overall intelligence, and if one can’t drive well, regardless of profession or education, than one has a disability. A disability that can have a profound impact on the lives of other living people if the disability doesn’t quickly become an ability.
Mum and dad are looking at a house in Memphis Michigan. That’s far. If it wasn’t for cars, I would probably have none of the friends I do. My closest friend is Jeff, and he is just over 6 miles away. If we lived in Memphis, I would suspect he’d be 26-36 miles away. Thank God for cars. It would probably take me an hour to get to Jeff’s on horseback.
And she’s not even American…