July 21, 2005 @ 2:28 pm by sean
So what makes a person?
This summer I haven’t done many of the things I enjoy doing. I kind of feel like less me. But if I’m only me, and I’m less me, I’m less of a person. Responsibility is mine to be certain, but I fear it may be a result of this working life I live. That’s exactly what it’s become. Especially with this schedule. The people I see, I see on routine. Ben, Lisa, Joel Monday nights. Alyson Tuesday mornings. Ben, Lisa, Joel Thursday nights. Alyson, Jillian Friday morning. Kelly Friday beforenoon. Then I fit people in other days if I can. Nearly every weekend has been planned out for most of the summer, so on the weekends I see who ever I’ve planned to see. The people who don’t fit in that plan, I don’t really see. Sean and Jeff in particular are two that I’d like to see, but haven’t.
Beyond that, I haven’t started and finished a single book. The book I finished in May I had already started, and have been meaning to re-read the last two chapters and still have one left. Pondering, considering, deliberating, thinking, questioning, have all been minimal.
Is this ok? I feel somesort of negative feeling about it, so I assume it’s not. Is this summer just a break from the scholarly life of school? Or is it a wasted opportunity? It doesn’t seem like I have much to show for being alive these past few months. Alyson has certainly been a big occurance, but if I continue on this path I can’t expect that to last. It’s easy to not feel this way at school because it’s a community centered on learning. Should I have done more, worked harder to continue that through the summer? I feel like I should have. Especially because I haven’t really even relaxed. •partially because I always have felt like I should be doing something• Should I just adapt? Enjoy the things I am able to enjoy with this schedule and not worry about the rest? Accept I won’t read this summer so stop attempting, and fill life with other pleasures?
In Kevin’s 1st Corinthians post, he said it’s easy to be generous, but not as easy to be a generous person. I too often think the two are synonimous. They certainly are not.
Usually when I see a mess, I think, I didn’t do it, someone else should clean it up. Instead, when I see a mess I should think, A mess, I should clean that up. I expect so much responsibility of myself, that when others don’t do the same I don’t bother with the simple task of taking responsibility for them too. I don’t bother to be a generous person.
If people would stop sueing eachother and everything for anything, insurance would be lower. And that would lower prices.
And vote for Eagle Droppings.
Smart people can be so funny.
See how high you can get!
I’m feeling really bad about coughing at work. I heard others are too. Good thing I’ll be gone tomorrow and all weekend in Minnesota. I’m actually feeling better.