July 25, 2005 @ 4:29 pm by sean
I’ve noticed that since I haven’t read much this summer, that when I do, even just one chapter of a book, I get an explosion of thought. And the result is this post. I have even more to say, but I’ll save it for when I have the references I want. 3201 words. They’re mostly for my own benefit, but I’d like you to read them too. If you want. Though having said that I feel slightly pretentious as if I’m some important ‘internet blog author’ who has something really important for the world to hear, when really I’m just an anonymous, uneducated bored corporate employee with nothing to do but write about his life. Though having said that I feel slightly as if I’m searching for sympathy and for people to say, Oh Sean, you do have something important for the world to hear, and you’re not stupid. This is just adding more words to the total though, more words that it doesn’t matter if anyone reads.
Having said that, you should expect more of the same and just move on to the next subscription.
I’d like to be one who loves my parents more.
At this typing it’s 5:30(I’ve already forgotten that in French. Um….quelle hueres cinq, ugh, I don’t remember 30 at all. And I left my book at home and can’t study. Sorry Jillian. You aren’t a bad teacher, I haven’t studied enough.) and I’ve had a total of about 10 minutes of work to do, not including a 30 minute meeting. There is a new girl to the janitorial staff here, and she looks about my age. I hope she gets paid at least as much as I do. No doubt she works more.
Many people bless me when I cough, thinking I sneeze. Perhaps we can start adding this ‘bless you’ to more than a sneeze. It could follow anything. A cough, a burp, a shoe tying, an email sending, a blink, a mosquito bite itching. Let’s spread the blessing.
Sometimes I think my pants aren’t tight enough and my shirt is to new and I’m not hip enough. Then I think My morning glories are growing as tall as the light post I planted them next to, and that’s really sweet.
Perhaps it is our money based mentality with proverbs such as ‘time is money’ that results in rhetoric that refers to time as something to be spent. I will not ‘spend time’ with someone as if they are a product to buy. I will not ‘invest in a relationship’ as if to improve my portfolio. I will not ‘pay attention’ as if what you say and who you are is a commodity for me to take possession of.
These terms though, are so ingrained in my mind that I’m not sure how else to say it.
Different =/= wrong
The sooner I understand that, the better.
The sooner I act on that, there is no end to how much better the world could be.
It’s amazing to think of the potential one has. Not just being created by God potential. Not just being loved by God potential. Not just being ‘christian’ potential. Those all contribute, but the potential one has just by sincerely loving. Or if love sounds like it requires too much, sincerely not hating. Everything we do changes the world. The world is not constant and all kinds of things are changing all the time. That’s why more letters have been typed than 5 seconds ago. And why you aren’t the same after reading them. Whether it’s a meaningful change or worthwhile change or purposeful change or not is irrelevant. Things constantly change. But if making meaningful change, worthwhile change, or purposeful change is relevant to you, it is actually quite simple to do. Just be nice. Change your attitude. I think anyone who seriously wants this world to be a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race, there are, people dying, if you care enough for the living, will stop being such a gosh darn poopy pants and start making some positive actions. Even if it isn’t giving up their job and permanently volunteering at a soup kitchen, they will at least be a pleasant person to be around. I know people are who they are and one shouldn’t change who they are just so people will like them, but people liking them isn’t the goal necessarily. To be liked for purposes of being liked is vain and stupid. To be liked because you’ve made yourself more of a kind, pleasant person because you want more love to happen in the world, is quite the opposite of vain and stupid. So stop being so proud of who you are.
It just occured to me how simple it is, so I thought I should write it down.
Strange that the place we label as a restroom is one of the least desirable locations to rest.
I need to amend former comments about urinals and stalls. If you’re going to stand, be a man and use a urinal. Stalls are for sitting only. Even if you put the lid up there are still negative consequences that you leave behind. You may sit in a urinal if you’d like, so long as it all flushes, but stalls are sitting room only. Got it? Stall, sit. Urinal, stand. Now get to it.
Ben and Lisa are moving. That is an unfortunate change to my routine. I was really hoping I wouldn’t wouldn’t get to see them as much until I went away to school.
The problem with mp3 players and CD players and tape decks and such, is that they prevent one from enjoying the local culture one drives through. I could drive nearly 800 miles across 4 states, and only listen to music I am familiar with and that is typical of my personal, local culture. Without such devises, I am able to tune in to what is enjoyed by the community I’m driving through. It may not be my favorite, buy why not listen to country in farmland, why not listen to rap in the cities? If these areas have musical culture that help define them, I think we would all do well to participate.
‘I love you.’ is a rather odd statement. I rank low on the grammatical expert scale, but as far as I know, ‘love’ is used here as a verb to express the action of the noun love. I think emotions are the only words that can be used that way. It seems kind of silly though, to say what you’re doing. Especially with ‘love’ because if one does indeed love someone, I would expect it to be so obvious that it needn’t be said. If I am 6 inches away from someone, face to face, both of us have our eyes open I think it would be quite obvious to say ‘I see you.’ Of course I do. In that situation it would impossible not to. ‘I watch you.’ has the same form, but the person being watched may not know, so for one to say it would not be redundant. ‘I hear you.’ is even more similar. Maybe ‘I’m hearing you.’ is more proper, or ‘I hear what you are saying.’ but it’s the same idea. Hear can’t be a noun though. But one could say ‘I hear you.’ because they are riding on the L and the person speaking may be uncertain whether not one can hear them. So one affirms that, ‘Yes, I hear you.’ But loving is like hearing only in that they are actions. Both require some form of participation and possibly a response, but love is unmistakable. Or I would expect it to be at least. I understand that it is good to affirm to loved ones that they are indeed loved, but ‘I love you.’ is such a weird way to phrase it. ‘I have love for you.’ ‘One of the emotions that I feel in response to knowing you is love.’ ‘I am filled with love for you.’ ‘I am loving you by doing [this].’
Perhaps this is the reason men stereotypically have a difficult time saying this phrase. They innately know it is somewhat illogical and instead of freely saying it, they attempt to formulate the correct diction to properly express the feelings they have in a manner as equally effective and more meaningful than the traditionally accepted arrangement.
“1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
So if that’s what you have, is it really necessary to say it?
I have returned from my grand voyage with Ms. Jillian to the grand state of Minnesota to visit our friend Steven August Finley. The voyage itself was largely uneventful. Wisconsin can be very boring, though I still found it more appealing to visually ingest what I could of the scenery rather than read. Though on the way back I did read a little. We ran into copious traffic in Chicago because of construction. It was my first traffic jam situation involving a manual car. I think I did fairly well, and actually prefer it. I did stall twice however. We drove right passed Judson. That was odd. I’ve never been in that area for any reason other than one related to Judson. I also made my first passage on I-90 beyond Rockford.
We eventually arrived in St. Paul Minnesota and there we waited for Sir Steve’s arrival. While waiting, I watched someone go in his house and steal his table. We found out later it was the landlord’s son taking the landlord’s table, and this was expected to happen.
Steve arrived, and slight awkwardness ensued. Not for me of course, I never dated either of them and broke up with either of them. I will admit to the slight awkwardness of not knowing what was going on between them though. I was fortunate enough to be in an awkward situation with me not the same kind of awkward as them. Perhaps awkward isn’t the word •though it is indeed an awkward word when spelled out• and unsure or precarious better suits the situation. And perhaps neither of them would agree with that, but having spent much of the weekend observing them, it was certainly noticeable that neither were usual. And I see only one explanation for that. Regardless, I basked in the rare presence of my dear friend Steve with the company of my dear friend Jillian.
We laid in the grass at his house a bit. That was nice.
Saturday we got up slowly and there was a nice grey and windy storm to greet us. I’m still undecided on how to spell gre(a)y, but this seemed more like a grey storm rather than a gray storm. We thought this meant rain all day, but it turned out to be a splendid day. Expecting rain, we ventured to the ‘Mall of America.’ In all, I’m not too impressed. For something with such a lofty title, I expected something to appeal to me that other malls in America lacked; but I found no such thing. Upon considering that thought however, I see I should have always expected disappointment. We eventually ate pizza at Villa Pizza, which was surprising accurate to Italy(though I’ve never been. I have been sarcastic though.) Downtown Minneapolis came next, and after we successfully shook the people tailing us, we parked and walked. After walking for not long, I decided Minneapolis is a very nice city. It felt similar to Chicago, but smaller, more personable, more concentrated, and consequently more to easily do. I could see myself happy in Minneapolis. That is only a first impression though. After walking around a while, we settled at Dunn Brothers coffee. Another chain, but smaller. And they roast their own coffee. Not quite Starbucks, not quite local, but acceptably in the middle. They are nearing the point of unacceptability, but at my visit they were ok. Steve’s friend and former roommate worked there. His name was…….Andrew. I think. He was a neat kid. We were soon joined by two more friends of Steve. One was named Peter. The other was Josh. I could very well be making those names up. His roommates were Alex and Chris. None of these names are necessarily the name given to them by their parents, but they are the names I remember them by. The one I remember as Josh looked somewhat similar to Denison Witmer. The boys got silly at Dunn Brothers, and I laughed in response because it was funny. Then we went to Fallout. It’s a venue/gallery/other stuff I think. Christ-based as well I think. They were having a big hoopla. It turned out the Psalters were playing at this big hoopla. At no point this weekend did I have any expectation or intent of seeing the Psalters. It was quite a fortunate surprise. We also went and got drinks and muffins at a coffee shop called the ‘Spyhouse.’ No doubt every customer was a spy. We went back to Steve’s house after that. He made us some cuscus with chicken and other deliciousness. During preparation Jillian gave me another French lesson.
Both Friday night and Saturday night we laid in the grass. Friday night Jillian and Steve fought with Steve’s stick swords. Steve lost. We did hand stands. Threw grass at each-other. I suspect much of it was flirting, but since I had no part in flirting, I wasn’t entirely sure. It wasn’t flirting for me, but they perhaps played out a different story. Time will tell. I don’t really like to suspect flirting and try to assume just plain fun, and maybe they were as honest as I and were just having fun, but this was a special situation. After much mocking of Jillian(probably also flirting on not my part) I nearly fell asleep while Steve and Jillian talked. Then we went inside and I really did sleep, and they talked I am told.
Sunday we woke up and left.
Steve drove St. Paul to Illinois. I drove Illinois to Mt. Clemens.
We listened to This American Life on Wisconsin Public Radio because they had story about a guy who thought E=mc^2 was incorrect. He was not a physicist. He only had one physics class, and that was in high school. Part of his reasoning that physics was wrong, including and especially Einstein, was that it is too hard to understand. What an unfortunately mindset to have. He was certainly a learned self-taught man, but has misled himself to the humor of WPR listeners. It was an enjoyable program. I finally finished Surprised by Joy for good. I’m glad I took the initiative to re-read the last two chapters. The second to last though should probably be read again. I don’t have time though. I will probably post some of Lewis’ thoughts though in the near future.
Driving through Illinois, Indiana, and Michigan was mostly usual. We stopped at Judson and found no one. No Rayne and Nathan. Rayne had a sticky on the door that said in Wilson, but no one was found in Wilson. I used Rayne’s •I hope you don’t mind Rayne• computer to find Jessi’s extension, but the intranet is still gone, and shortly after that so were we with no visitation with Judson folk. I was certainly disappointed. We hit a huuuuge slow down in Michigan around mile 110. For some reason going down from 2 lanes to 1 was a big problem for some people, and caused a larger back-up than usual for Michigan construction as such. We made it though eventually, and it was smooth until 275 and 696 merged and again lanes went missing forcing everyone into 1 lane. From there, smooth sailing to Mt. Clemens where we stopped at the Vrazo’s for me to pick up Alyson •smile• and then meet up with others at Ben and Lisa’s. At Ben and Lisa’s we found them and Andy and Sarah. Last Tuesday Andy and Sarah gave me a huge compliment that I’d never expected from them, or for anyone to find as true. But they did, and I really appreciated it. Carley showed up and we went to Coney’s and kicked it for a while. Then we went back to Ben and Lisa’s to say good bye. Steve is flying back tonight, so it may be a while before I see him again. It was a year and a half this time, hopefully not so long next time. I got home and promptly went to sleep.
Somewhere my parents acquired a window fan thing and put it in my room during my weekend absence. I’m not sure what it does. It says it’s on ‘hi’ and ‘exhaust’ and I think ‘cool,’ but all I noticed was the noise. Even though the temperature is quite high in our house, I never really much minded. I always contested having a fan in my room. People dealt without fans for thousands of years. We have the technology now, but it’s volume is hardly worth the comfort. Besides, it’s harder to hear someone sneaking through the house to come shoot me if there are fans all over to mask his or her steps.
In all, we drove almost 800 miles to St. Paul Minnesota to hang out. And I was/am perfectly alright with that. We didn’t do anything too spectacular that is usually warrented by such a trip, but Utica, Mt. Clemens, Rochester, St. Paul, what’s the difference? I am certainly blessed to be able to make such a trip, to have such a friend to make a trip with, to have such a friend to make a trip for, and such a God to keep us safe and to create us all as friends.
I woke up late this morning, and quickly got ready and met Angie and Christen. Our meeting was brief, but a joy to see their familiar faces and be in their familiar company. Angie and I had once been in that same location in a very similar seat, but I’d never seen Christen outside of Judson land. Both are moving away shortly, and they will contribute to the lack of ‘usual’ people at school. I’ll surely miss them. But I know they are walking with God to the places they will be going, and that certainly is consolation. He wants other people to know them too, I can’t keep them forever.
You should read this. Please read it, infact. Designer types might find it more interesting than others, but it is short, witty, and anyone could enjoy it. It took me 2 minutes to read. I timed it.