June 13, 2005 @ 1:41 pm by sean
I keep telling myself that once I get paid, things will be better. True, that will remove some stress. I won’t have to worry if I’ll have enough gas to get to work to get paid more. Knowing I have enough money to pay for enough gas will indeed take some bring some relief. But that’s not it, is it. I’ll be able to buy new clothes because the ones I have are getting holes in them. But that’s not it. I’ll be able to give my car the proper tune up it requires, so I know it will last me through work and school, and because a car is quite a blessing, even the one I have, and it is something that should be taken care of in order to be a good steward of God’s blessing. But that isn’t it either. I’ll be able to be a little bit more free about going places and doing thigs and helping people, but that isn’t it. There are even more things that will ease up my life once I get paid, but it’s none of these things.
Honestly, I’ve done ok without all those things. Some of them are frustrating, knowing that immediately once I get paid, they will be remedied. Although I’ve done ok without them, and their absence has made me a bit uncomfotable and my life slightly precarious, I welcome the change from the comfortable life I created. I am still a person with a lot of privaledge though, and I am not making the best of that. It’s been three weeks now that I have worked 1-9, I can’t use the excuse that I am still getting adjusted, as a reason for not reading my bible or other good literature. I can’t use that as an excuse for going to bed late and not getting up before ten, and then not accomplishing anything around the house. My room has gotten messy. My chair isn’t finished. My book case isn’t built. The bushes aren’t trimmed. Mum and dad haven’t gotten any help from me on the garage. I haven’t replied to e-mails. This is unacceptable. I am chosen. I’ve been included in Christ having heard the Truth, the gospel of my Salvation. Having believed, I’ve been marked with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession – to the praise of his glory.
I have not been His good and faithful servant. I have opportunities, and I better use them.
Just cut my right index finger with a box cutter. It’s a start. A painful, bloody start.
It’s starting to feel cold. The pain isn’t throbbing, just constant. There is no blood seeping through the gauze. But it’s hard to keep my finger up. I no doubt look foolih with my finger up like this. Pointing up next to my head, being hrld with my left hand when I don’t type. Maybe I shouldn’t type.
This such a hassle. And a bloody one at that.
Just got back from the ER. It’s about half an inch long. 4 stitches. Ended my nearly 20 year streak of no stiches. Typing is hard with this big bandage on my finger. Especially ‘y’ and ‘u’. Mouse clicking is easier. At the hospital I wrote the date as 3/16/05. It’s 6/13/05. I think I’m losing my mind.
Everyone around here is all paranoid. I thought it was rather comical. Maybe they just care. No one is amused as I am. That kind of adds insult to inury. I’m kind of proud of it. Everyone is acting like I could have died or something. I just figured business as usual, just with a bandage on my finger, but Chris won’t let me work for a while, so I’ll just eat I guess.
Now I am at Ben and Lisa’s for practice. I got told to go home at 6. Chris wouldn’t let me work. That is really frustrating. I thought it was cool that I did it. Now I just feel like a fool.
Typing is a little bit more difficult than is worth it for the moment, so I’ll reply to emails later.
It looks pretty sweet though. I took a picture of it with Ben’s digital camera, maybe I can put it up here for all too see.