June 24, 2005 @ 5:35 pm by sean
There is a lady who works here. Her name is Cindy. She knows my name is Sean. When she sees me, and I her, she says ‘hi’ or smiles. Cindy is the boss here. She is everybody’s boss. She doesnt own the company or anything like that. I forget her title. But she’s the creative boss of creative boss’s. All the creative people here answer to her. And she knows my name. That’s neat. I’m not sure why it should matter that she is kind to me anymore than anyone else. But I like being known by her.
As a tagalong to Brandon’s thoughts on Hitch, now that I’ve seen part of the movie, I’m curious as to how much of the advice he gives, is good advice. Anyone with any answers?
Why is the washroom such an awkward place to see someone you know? Is it because using the washroom involves our sexual organs and we are embarrassed to be obliged to expose and use them?
Why is ‘goodnight’ only a farewell?
Can someone explain to me, why white suburban and rural kids, who have never been to any part of a big city besides a white-safe zone, and probably also not without their mom, don’t call females ‘bitches’ and ‘hos,’ don’t carry a gun, have never shot a gun let alone a person with a gun, have probably never even held a gun and possibly never seen a gun in person, who don’t slap bitches, who aren’t pimps, who don’t sell drugs, who probably don’t drink anything but beer and not seen any drugs besides pot and tobacco, who don’t have dubs, don’t have dropped Escalades and Bentleys with spinners, don’t move from the bed to the flo’ when having sex, would probably be scared to be alone in a ‘bad’ part of a city, who drive through ‘bad’ neighborhoods with their windows up, doors locked, and try to act ‘natural’ so they don’t get jacked, who don’t refer to their peers a ‘cuz,’ who don’t have cornrows, listen to gangsta rap? How do they, in anyway, associate with that? I understand and agree that sometimes they have fat beats, and the sound of the words being said sounds dope, but do the songs really mean anything to them? Maybe this is exclusive to me and people I know, but don’t people tend to listen to music that have lyrics they can associate with? People can listen to what they want, that’s all fine and dandy, I just don’t understand what the reason is, if any, they listen to that.
I think it was when the Pistons were playing the Pacers, Rasheed Wallace said the when you play a 7 game series, the best team wins. I guess the Spurs are the better team. I wasn’t going to predict a team to win, that would have been vain. But I honestly thought the Pistons could do it. I thought they had it. I was expecting to feel that ‘victory’ feeling. Now that’s missing. I still think they could’ve won. I will say I don’t think Tim Duncan deserves MVP, I think he only got it because they had to pick someone, and he was the only one half deserving of it on the winning team.
If you aren’t me, you would probably do well to stop reading after the period that finishes this sentence. 5 starters, one coach, a couple other guys who play occasionally. These people, who I’ve never met, didn’t grow up in this city, or even this state, didn’t put a ball through a cylindrical rim as well as a different set of guys, and that dissapoints me. Quite a bit actually. Why should it matter to me? I didn’t play in the game. What do I matter. I sit at this desk, look out this window. I see all these people, driving around, going to the mall, going somewhere, doing what they do. What does it matter. Some of these people are changing the world. Some people wouldn’t be noticed if they dissappeared. I’m tired of the worthless struggles I face in this life. I worry if I have enough gas to get home because I have no more money to put more gas in my tank. I worry about people liking me. I struggle getting up early enough to work outside or read before work. It’s worthless to struggle with lusting after women. What a lame struggle. There are so many more important things to worry about. People get mad at eachother in a bar then go outside and fight. There is drama because someone said something on xanga that someone else doesn’t like. I’m worried about taking care of my wife. I don’t even know if the girl I like, reveres me in the same fashion, let alone if she’ll be my wife. People don’t like other people because their skin color is different from their own. We whine and cry and complain because a professor gave us an assignment we don’t like.
The interesting things in this American life just aren’t that interesting. Nothing really seems worth it. And the things that do matter in life – friendships, relationships, learning, living, loving – don’t seem appropriate in this American environment. It’s just so ugly. Covered with pavement. Predominantly ugly architecture on buildings built with a purpose of commerce. Very little that seems in place seems beautiful. That mall is where it should be to make the most business. But it’s architecture is hardly beautiful. So many accomplishments feel like beating a video game. Yea, you used skill and co-ordination to succeed in every challenge, but really, what did you accomplish? Maybe you accomplished in having fun and enjoyed company, was it worth it? No offense to those who sincerely enjoy playing video games, and are good at them, but personally, my time in front of a screen with a controller in hand wasn’t the best thing I could have done with my time. How much stuff we put effort into and take interest in, are really worth even consideration? I aspire to be good at my job, whatever my job is because any job is a blessing. That is commendable I suppose, but how many of my jobs are really worth doing. So far the estate and the nursery are the two. The estate may have been taking care of some rich guys yard, but it was also beautifying God’s Earth by physically engaging in God’s direct creation. The nursery may have been sales, but it was selling things that once planted, will not only look beautiful, but also be good for the environment. How many of the things we rejoice over of God’s great works, would be necessary for God’s actions had we all been in the least bit considerate of some one besides ourselves and loved other people to begin with? I find it absurd when a professor gives an assignment, and when the only three people who did it realize this is so, they ask for extra credit. Why should they get extra credit, because they did as they were told and no one else did? Do something extra for extra credit.
If I have a challenge, I want it to be a real one. I want to be in the last 12 minutes of the season, using the skills I have I to help my fellow teamates to victory. I want to stand at the edge of the fire in Mordor or wherever and have to decide whether to throw a ring into a fire to save all of life. I want to save people from starvation. If I don’t get that life, then give me the one where growing food in my garden and loving my family is my main concern. Surround me with people who sincerely care about other people, and want others to have a life full of meaning. Don’t give me this life where I am commended for succeeding in doing what I’m supposed to do. Where is the challenge in growing up with things necessary for survival, and then having the means to go to college and going? I have the means and privilage as a white American male to do almost anything I please, so why should I be congratulated for doing so? Look at me, I’m going to school, learning graphic design, working at a high paying intership. I didn’t even have to try. I just went with the flow. Even if I had tried harder, I would just be succeeding at something some people don’t even get the opportunity to attempt. Sure, I can try harder. I can do more. I could get two degrees. I could be a philanthropist. I could help those who can’t help themselves. But the only reason that would be in anyway remarkable, would be in comparison to the rest of the shallow population who is half the reason those people need to be helped in the first place.
I do. I have salvation, and the means to spread it. I can either put the ring on and keep it to myself, or do what it takes to save all of humanity. I just don’t want to do it in a place like this. This is where I was born, perhaps this is where God needed me to be. Somewhat like Jonah I suppose.
The word of the Lord came to Sean, of Washington, “Go to the Great country of America, and preach against it, because it’s wickedness has come before me.” But Sean ran away from the Lord and headed to Paris. He went down to Detroit-Metro Airport and found a plane headed for that city. After paying the British Airways fare, he went aboard and flew for Paris to flee from the Lord.”
I continually make the mistake of thinking that people think, feel, view, and react the same way I do about the same things. Even though my vocabulary might not reflect it, the majority of this post only applies to me and my views, and cannot necessarily be applied to any other persons life but my own.