February 27, 2005 @ 2:55 pm by sean
‘Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes juedgement, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself, for you who judge practice the same things.’ – Romans 2.1
I think I have this false pressumption that people who have less than me, must be less happy than me. Well, I know the pressumption is false, I’m not sure if I’m making it or not. But it seems that I am. And the only reason I would make this pressumption, is if I, myself, determined happyness by means of possesions, or needs met. I don’t know why I would do that, I know that has nothing to do with happyness, and I try to live without basing anything on that. What are my motivations?
I think I’m a flirt too, something else I don’t want to be. I probably haven’t had more guy friends than girl friends since middle school. For various reasons I suppose, but at the heart of it it’s probably a pre-occupation with finding a mate. That could explain why I don’t have as close of guy friends, I could be subconsciously viewing them as competition, though it’s not always subconscious. Either way, I unfortunately, and abruptly, opened up a big hole last October, and I seem to be trying to fill it by any, and typically superficial means. This is going to hurt someone.
It’s pretty lame I still struggle to say hi to her. Why don’t I just grow up?
In HM, there is an ad for a band called ‘Foreknown’, and they have a CD titled, ‘Calm seas don’t make sailors.’ I like that title.
Is age anymore than a number dictating the years since one has been birthed? At Christina’s on Friday, I made a sweet Lego fort with her younger sister. She’s 15 and is also passed the typical Lego age, and I didn’t feel ’20’ while playing, and she didn’t seem ’15’. She didn’t really seem ’15’ anyway. She seemed older, but she didn’t seem ’16’ or ’17’, or any older than that. Just, older. But when we left, and I rode back with Brandon, I sure felt young. Not only because he’s 23, but because I was just building a Lego fort for drunken monkeys that kill Lego people and have an army of Lego legs and torsos and heads, with someone younger than I than I am of Brandon. And it was great fun too! The whole night was, the company there was fantastic. As was the, um, I don’t know what word to put here. The time had? What’s the word for that?
I’m tired of my problems being and involving me. I want the things that trouble me to be the fallen world, not the fallen Sean.
Sometimes I think maybe I’m not a person, just a physical manifestation of the love of my friends. I kinda feel like I’m just floating around being loved. My family too I guess.
That could be taken as an insult, and I didn’t mean it to be so.
Do you think Jackie Chan can fight off evil villians while peeing at a urinal without ever missing?