January 17, 2005 @ 11:06 pm by sean
Something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is. Something just feels, off. I have some theories, but that’s all. I’m not sure they can be proven or not. I feel like I’m doing something wrong, but I can’t see anything besides the obvious. I feel vain. I have this idea that it’s possible to stop sinning, and maybe by carrying that idea, and it looking like I won’t stop anytime in the foreseeable future, I end up sad and dissapointed. Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe I just feel.
There is a possible side-effect of her forgiveness that half kept me from wanting to know if she forgave me or not. Now that I know, that side-effect looks like it might happen/be happening, and I don’t know how to react to it.
Some people say that God gives them a peace about something they are unsure of, and it is with that peace that they make their decision(Phil. 4:7 is where I assume it comes from: ‘And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.’). Might God ever not give one peace to give one a challenge to grow? Could having a peace about something cause one to miss an opportunity for something even greater that God has given to one, and we He really wants for that person? Can satan give peace? I suppose one could have peace about accepting a challenge, but that isn’t what I’m talking about. Might God make it hard for one, not give one peace, put up stumbling stones, to see if one is faithful enough to receive what one has asked? I feel that if I give up now, let go now, if something similar occurs again the same end will result and I’ll never accomplish anything. Does me questioning this mean I don’t have this peace that transcends all understanding?
It seems many of the ways we depend on to know God’s will may be flawed with at least two sides.
I don’t know, I have all that I need to be happy because I have the love of God, and then some, but something is getting me down and I don’t know what it is.
What if Jesus already came back and found none of us worthy? Or we were to busy living to see Him? Or we thought He was just another radical so we ignored Him and kept on as we were?