December 31, 2004 @ 5:07 pm by sean
Soft Snow by William Blake
I walked abroad in a snowy day:
I ask’d the soft snow with me to play:
She play’d & she melted in all her prime,
And the winter call’d it a dreadful crime.
It’s 56° outside right now, and I am quite unhappy about that. Altough the snow began melting yesterday, within the night it has nearly all gone away. I drove with my windows open, I vacuumed my car, I walked around with no jacket on. Ugh. It’s December 31st. I do not approve of this at all.
Up until somewhat recently, I refused to base any actions on feelings. Or at least keep it to a minimum if I could. Removing the id from life results in a very insipid life, it results in my life; a boring biography if it were ever to be written. Well for at least this situation, I’m done with that. Regardless of any logic I come up with, I’m not going to deny that she made me feel wonderful, that I want that back, that I’m delighted to be reminded of her all the time by a bunch of different things, that I’d rather have that horrible feeling that I used to have in my stomach when I would get scared she didn’t like me, than to not have any feeling at all, that I miss her. She made me a kind of happy I don’t get any other way, and I want that, with her. I want to love, and I want to love her. I want to call her on the phone and tell her about my day, and hear all about her’s. And tell her all the thoughts and ideas that only God and I know. Some of my favorite words to hear her say are, ‘What are you thinking?’ It made me feel so happy to hear someone ask that question, except rarely did she ask when I was thinking about something besides her. The way she would ask too, she has the cutest voice I’ve ever heard; it makes me happy just thinking about it, even though it’s been just a few days short of 2 months since it has been directed at me.
Tomorrow is January 1st, 2005. Poker and football. What more could one ask for?