November 6, 2004 @ 3:00 am by sean
I don’t know who said it, but someone said something like, ‘it’s better to know Jesus is all you need before Jesus is all you have.’ Up until this evening I thought it had related only to material possessions and stuff, and then I realized I was quite wrong. After observing certain people and reflecting on myself, I realized that I no longer have anything, except Jesus.
When I was younger, my mother, as any mother would, told me how wonderful of a person I was and could be. As I got older she continued to tell me these things and I gradually realized which ones were lies and which ones might be true. But it eventually came to the point where I knew they were all untrue that the only thing I had left was the nice, cute and sweet. Though I knew that within the last almost two months I was proving myself not to be those things, I finally realized it tonight, and finally realized what that meant. It meant that I’ve become the mediocre person I’ve always been afraid to be and lived my life to prevent. Those were the few things I was able to hold on to, they few things I had to respect in myself. And then when someone came for me to prove myself, I failed. Perhaps not even mediocre. I’ve become nothing worth anything. Except to God.
I’m not looking for symphathies though, that’s why I’m not allowing comments. I don’t need to hear more of the same lies my mother tells me. As a matter of fact, I’m still quite happy. Because Jesus is all I need. God has made me quite happy the last few days, happier than I was ever able to make myself. Well, today at least. Well, parts of today. The only parts of today that I wasn’t happy, was when I was thinking about myself. Go figure. It’s amazing how many of the things I’m doing that I’ve always been told were things I should do and they are actually true. Even though in no way am I anyway above normal, I’m following God and that is what matters. And maybe someday I will be somebody with an admirable quality or two. But if not, no worries.
Looks like I’m going with a no on the sabbath. I’m not going to bed early, so I’m not waking up early. I’m considering going to the soccer game too. But I think I’ll still be able to relax and maybe go to second service at 2nd before for the first time in a while.
I just talked to Paul Stotts. It was brief, nice.