November 25, 2004 @ 12:31 am by sean
I’m home, but more or less against my will.
I had many thoughts on that last night, and though I still do, many of them have been displaced by others. I guess I’ll get the newer ones out of the way.
I hate driving in Illinois/Indiana/first half of Michigan. I know I say that everytime I go home or come back to school, but the drive home today sucked. It had the potential to be absolutely beautiful. It snowed. I loved it. The roads were somewhat of a challange, especially at 70 mph. Unfortunately that didn’t last long; hardly anyone else accepted that challange and decided to drive 40. Or 0. And that really pissed me off. I also had to buy new windshield wipers. I was avoiding it because they still function great when they don’t come loose. But I justified it by saying I’ll fix the old ones some how and put them back on when the new ones go bad. Regardless, nearly all the cars that pissed me off on my drive home had the words ‘Illinois’ ‘Indiana’ or ‘Ohio’ printed on the liscence plates. I have a lot more to say, but it isn’t worth it. And for the record, a few Michiganders really bothered me too.
I read, a while ago, one of Rachel’s posts explaining something Professor Carl had talked about in their painting class. He asked them if they knew they were going to die tomorrow, would they still be in class. He said he would be because teaching is what God has called him to do. I thought about that myself, wondering if I would go to class if I knew I would die tomorrow. My immediate thoughts were that I’d be driving home to say ‘good bye’ to my family. But then I thought about it a little more. Going to classes is what God has called me to do. He has called me to learn. And I am. And I’m loving it. This semester has been the greatest few months of my life. Sure, Ryan and I just talked about some quite unfortunate issues in his life. Sure I found out I’m an asshole. Sure things between Nicole and me aren’t how I would want them to be between anyone and me. Sure we live in a fallen world. But above all that, God loves me. And Ryan and I can pray together and discuss his issues and involve God. Now that I know I’m an ass, God can help me change. Although God gave me many answers through my situations with Nicole, He gave me even more questions and desires to keep me yearning after Him. And through all I’m learning He is providing me a means to serve the fallen world to glorify Him. So to take a break from school seems like it is taking a break from following God.
I’ve been working on my final for Digital Tools II and I’m really excited about it. I’ll be starting a painting that is 100% my idea and I’m so excited to artistically express something inside me. I’m not sure I’ve ever done that. We are writing a manifesto for History of Design II about what we are going to do now that we’ve learned what we’ve learned in that class. Though that will be a difficult assignment because I have so many ideas running through my head, I can’t wait to write it. I really want to be at school doing those things. Enjoying the life I have surrounded by my friends. God is teaching me soo much and life is good because God is making it so, not because of my trying to make it so anymore. There is a verse I’m looking for but can’t find. It was something Jesus said. Something about one leaving his family to follow Jesus. I found this passage in Mark but it isn’t the verse I had in mind, but perhaps verses 61 and 62 are exactly my thoughts.
57As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”
58Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
59He said to another man, “Follow me.”
But the man replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”
60Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”
61Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good bye to my family.”
62Jesus replied, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”
Just as I’m not looking forward to this semester coming to an end, I wasn’t looking forward to coming home. The idea of coming home instead of staying at school sounds like taking a break from the will of God. The frustration of the ride home is very much the frustration one would feel taking a break from the will of God. The joy of talking with my family this evening was very much God showing me His will isn’t only me learning, but me beginning to share what I’ve learned.
(Lest it be assumed I don’t, I do love my family and am very grateful and excited everyone is coming over here for Thanksgiving Day tomorrow.)
-I’d like to add that though the Pacers players made some bad decisions last Friday, so did the Pistons. And the fans involved better be prosecuted-