October 15, 2004 @ 2:32 am by sean
Thrusday, October 14, 2004
I wish I could write lyrics. There are so many songs that say what I want to say, I just can’t write the words for it. Ian and I were listening to the legendary MXPX, and a song I’m quite familiar struck me as one that expressed nearly everything I’d been thinking, but says it better, more concise, and easier to understand. Obviously there would be some differences because I’m not Mike Herrara, but ‘Andrea’ says so much of what thoughts I’ve been trying figure out how to get out of my head. I’m a little apprehensive to put something like this up because of my attempt to re-privitize my life, and I’ve been avoiding the submit button for a bit.
Meeting you was just so unexpected
I guess I was scared of being rejected
Since you were so nice
I wouldn’t think twice
I’d give it all away for one more day with you
If ever there was a girl to be engaged to
That amazing girl would have to be you
Before we hung out
Don’t know how I lived without
Your beautiful face – like God’s amazing grace
Andrea, I say your name and all I can do is
Think about the way you smiled
And kinda sorta held my hand
Went out for coffee in what must have been the smallest town in Kentucky
Andrea, we walked together
Down the dirt road by the bridge
That we sat by each other
Talked about a few things
You looked at me I looked at you
Before you know, it’s time to go!
Scratch that part of the last post that said a not good evening, it turned out quite well. Even though someone left without saying goodbye, in the midst of all my worry and jealousy, and concern, and discouragement, I finally felt okay. My find still filled itself with thoughts of distrust, but I was okay. I’m not sure why I felt okay. It just kind of came. Maybe it was part of a conversation I overheard that may not have even have been about me. Maybe it was talking with someone whom I had never spoken to. Maybe it won’t last past tonight. Maybe I should stop talking about it. Maybe I can’t get out of the habit of talking. This break will hopefully get me out of that.
Then Ian made my night wonderful.
I also rapped tonight. That was weird. Weird because it almost worked. I’ve avoided all forms of rap coming from my mouth (besides Air Force Ones) because I was afraid to cross that bridge. The implications this might have at IInd Baptist are too much to think about. They’ll be calling me rabbit soon.
It’s almost II a.m. and I have no interest in going to bed. I think I may regret that tomorrow.
I never imagined trust would be so difficult. Hm. I’ll be dead soon anyway.