September 23, 2004 @ 5:14 pm by sean
When I got to school my life changed quite a bit from home. None of the same people from home were around me, I’m in a completely different state, I go to class and do homework instead of work at a job, I live in more of a community than at home, I see friends all the time. For a while when I left, nothing at home changed. Eventually my sister moved. Eventually Ben and Lisa moved. Eventually Jon moved in with Ben and Lisa. Eventually Bob, Carley, and Jillian started school. Sean and Alyson started the same day I did. Because my life changed so dramatically I was hoping people from home would ask how I was doing. I was hoping to hear from them. I was hoping they would care. Thus far Maeve is the only one I’ve really talked to, and that’s great because I didn’t get to see her much when I was home. I talked to Sean very briefly as well as Alyson. Jeff and I have now exchanged a few comments in the last few days. But beyond that…nothing. I e-mailed Ben and Lisa but didn’t get a response, perhaps they didn’t get the e-mail. The only way I know about anything is from reading their livejournals. Now that all their lives have changed I’m curious as to how they are doing, but I’m apprehensive to make any attempt because I’m not looking forward to the response, “Oh, Sean, how are you!? How’s everything at school? Etc.” The reason I’m looking forward to hearing that is because it seems that the only reason they would care at all is because I asked first. And it’s getting difficult to care about people who don’t seem to care about me.
Perhaps this serves to reinforce my suspicion that if people really did care about me, they’d ask. If I care about someone, I ask.
If they really wanted to know how I was, they’d ask.
I’m hoping they don’t read this because it’ll be hard for me to believe that when they e-mail after reading it that they honestly cared and didn’t just e-mail because of the contents in this post. I also have avoided instant messanger partially for the reason that I don’t want them to see me online and remember me. It was my hope they would remember me with any of my influence.
If I have to remind someone of my existance perhaps I don’t want them to acknowledge it at all.
It’s not that I don’t want to be friends with them, it’s that I don’t want to be friends with people who don’t care about me.
“Oh Sean, of course we care about you. We just…….”
I’ve heard that enough. They’ve always got an excuse.
‘A mans actions are the best interpreters of his thoughts’ J.L.
Maybe I offended them all and don’t know it.