August 4, 2004 @ 10:40 pm by sean
Ever get the feeling people only talk to you because there is no one else around?
I don’t understand why people get so attached to one person. It really doesn’t seem…. logical, I guess. I suppose I see it most when a guy and a girl get attached, but it happens between same sexes too. They focus so much attention on that one person, that when that person is gone, it is like they are alone, even if they are surrounded by people they’ve been friends with for years.
Perhaps I’m jealous because no one attaches to me. Or because I have no one to attach to. Perhaps not. Well, though it is true no one would attach like that, I don’t think I’m jealous. I understand there are really interesting people out there, and their is a lot to learn about them, but one could be missing a whole lot more interesting by only talking to one person. Is it wrong not to want to depend on people? God says we need eachother to hold one another accountable. And of course we all have to work together to build up Christ’s Kingdom. But on an individual basis, on matters that don’t concern the entire world, how much should one depend on another? Maybe since I have no one to depend on, I choose the opposite extreme. Is it possible I’m going to make a hermit out of myself? Am I pushing others away? Does it matter?
I’m still nagged by the possibility that because no female shows me the luve that I want her to, I despise all people that show eachother that luve. Or if not show it, seem pre-occupied with it. That is completely irrational, however, and I’d like to think I’m better than that. So I will assume I am. Since reaching the conclusion that I won’t necessarily marry, and that I won’t necessarily be luved by a female, I see how many people are so completely concerned with luve. How many of their actions and thoughts are dictated by luve; whether they are in luve, or are looking for luve. It is quite a put-off to be around people like that. It puts them at a lower level of intelligence, or at least awareness of life. I know I shouldn’t think less of people who don’t know all that I know; because there are far more people who know even more than I do. It’s their actions though that I don’t like, not them. Interesting. I just read Jillian’s info. It says nothing more than “don’t analyze it; just live it.” I can’t help but despise that thought.(just the though, not Jillian of course.) Someone by the name of ‘Anonymous’ once said, “A life not worth evaluating, is a life not worth living.” I’m not sure who this Anonymous person is – obviously – but this person does seem to be an observant person. Perhaps a life worth evaluating doesn’t need to be analyzed, just worth analyzing. Hm. Either way, I’m going to go on analyzing. It seems logical to me. Not analyzing makes room for foolish mistakes. Foolishness is not Godliness.
Maybe if more people were interested in me, if more people cared, if more people appreciated me I wouldn’t have ever writen those last few paragraphs.
There is a lyric in my head from a song by ‘Sleeping At Last’ I’m not sure what he meant when he wrote this lyric, but I got meaning out of it. The lyric is “Theeeeeeeeeeee woorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrld issssss ourrrrrsss, if we, could only let it be.” I think that is what it is. That’s interesting to think about, because the world is ours, we just have to let it be. It should be easy to let it be, because it is ours. But it isn’t easy because we are pre-occuppied with so many other things. We are so pre-occupied with being good enough, with being accepted, with being luved. It often seems that the ones who try the hardest to not worry about being good enough or accepted or luved, are the ones who try the hardest to be good enough, be accepted or luved; yet they never realize it. (And if I may say, they would see that if they analyzed, and didn’t just live.) But we are also pre-occupied with world hunger, with animal rights, with success, with friends, with people, with banning abortion, with losing weight, with having control, with being right. Those aren’t bad things in and of themselves, they are bad when we are pre-occupied with them. The world is ours when we let it be. When we take what God has given us. When we are pre-occupied with Him. When we are pre-occuppied with Him, we are occuppied with what occuppies Him. Like world hunger, people, banning abortion, losing weight. Occupied with loving everyone(not necessarily luve.). Pre-occupied with God. Pre as in before. We are occupied with God before we are occuppied with the rest of what occupies Him.
Sarah gave me an amazing compliment today.
Unless I’m wrong.