July 1, 2004 @ 2:16 am by sean
So it comes down to this.
Jillian comes home next Tuesday. Great. Right? Yea of course. It’s been almost 7 months since I’ve seen her. I can’t wait to see her. But two problems have come up. The first one is futile, but the issue persits none the less. Her mother(possibly by Jillian’s asking) has invited people to go to the airport for her arrival. I was included in that invite; however, I refuse to go. Most definately not because I don’t want to see her though, I most certainly do. But she’s been gone for 6+ months, away from her family and closer friends. To me(and that is the only perspective I can guarantee) it would be less of a special, sentimental occasion if all kinds of people were there. Sure, her family of course (Lisa included) will be there, Carley, Sean, Julie perhaps. That’s already 10 people. Now Jillian’s attention must be divided amoungst 10 people, and 10 people must share Jillian’s attention. 10 people closer to her than I. 10 People I’m quite sure she rather see than myself. I don’t feel bad about that; I’m not hurt. I completely understand, and that is why I don’t want to go. I want it to be as special as it can be for her and the ones closest to her.
That’s over and I’m not going to the airport. Even if she did ask herself, she was only being kind.
That issue blends right into the other. And quite unfortunately so. I drove Alyson home for possibly the last time in a while. By the next time I would usually have the opportunity to drive her home, Jillian will be there. I’m saddened by that. There was not a second of sleep that I missed as a result of taking her home that I regret. Not a cent of extra money spent on gas I spent to drive out of my way to take her home that I wish was spent another way. And now it’s over. It was fun while it lasted, but I guess ‘in the long run, we are all dead’.(John Maynard Keynes) That unforunately blends into the first problem because most of the way to her house this(Wed.) evening we debated about whether or not I’d go to the airport.
Sean got his liscense last year and I didn’t get to drive him around any more. But soon after I got to drive Alyson around. Now Jillian will be back, and I won’t have anyone to drive around. Or anyone to depend on me.
Ok, there is a third issue. Not really a problem. I went to purchase a camera yesterday at a store near Alyson’s house, so I stopped over and we walked up there and then hung out the rest of the day. We tied in chess which was great for me because I’m already down 2 games to 3 and had lost my queen early and thought I was going down two games. Days like that aren’t going to be as possible. I really enjoyed hanging out with just her for a day, the few days we were able to do it. But I’m friends with Jillian too, so I don’t want to offend Jillian and just hang out with Alyson, and I don’t want to offend Alyson and just hang out with Jillian. Of course I enjoy hanging out with both at the same time, just not all the time.
She was only gone for 6 months and patterns and normalities have already set in. I’m sick of change. Sick of Change. That’d be a good band name. Maybe a punk band or something.
Speaking of bands, Jason’s band ‘The Blamed is Dead’ is playing a show with The Chariot. That makes Jason cool. I know Jason. I get some of that coolness. They are doing a ‘The Blamed is Dead’ vs. ‘The Chariot’ at Cornerstone. He’s a fricken’ rock star.
Speaking of bands, ETO is in NYC. Good for them. They’ve got a show at CBGB’s so hopefully someone important is there to sign them for millions of dollars. Lisa’s livejournal posts sound like they’re having a great time. It would have been fun to be a roadie(roady?) if I didn’t have prior obligations.
Speaking of Lisa’s livejournal. She also posted about how she loves always having something to do in NYC and last week or so her and Ben were bored(in Michigan) so they drove around at midnight for something to do. While I was at school she posted that her and Ben stayed in Birmingham until 5 in the morning because they could. Yea, that’s pretty much why I think I’m a boring person. Whenever I go over their apartment, the one not on the computer is usually asleep by 11-11:30, and then it’s pretty much just me, sittin’ in their apartment practically by myself. They’ve got friends now that’ll watch movies with them and such, so that’s good, because I still don’t want to do that. Though they don’t call much anymore, or Sean or Bob either. Hopefully if they ever want to socialize they’ll call. ‘Cause I like them.