July 8, 2004 @ 1:19 am by sean
Today was quite a fine day. Mostly. There were some parts that could have upset me very much, but the rest was so great they didn’t.
I got up and worked around the house. Movin’ dirt for landscaping and such. Finished 2/3 of my taxes. Read some good Car&Driver. Took a shower.
Youth group was a hoot. I really like that place now. Compared to before. And to make it better than usual, Ms. Jillian was there. It was sure great to see her.
I went over to Barnes&Noble to buy ‘Six Legged Sex – The erotic lives of Insects’. I’ve got some other books to finish first, but I’m looking forward to it. While I was there I was pointed to a book called something about bunny suicide. The entire book is cartoons on different ways a bunny could commit suicide. It’s orange. Look for it in ‘humor’. It’s hilarious. I also saw Jake and Colleen. They’re fun people. I work with them. And I’ve known Jake for years. We joked, had good brief conversation. The trip was well worth it. On top of it, Colleen’s sister works the magazine section at B&N, and when the magazines are old, they rip off the cover and throw them away. So hopefully Colleen will be able to get me ‘Car’ and ‘Evo’. Two very expensive British car magazines. But two of the best car magazines.
After that I headed to Jeff’s house were people from youth group already made it to. That is were the upsetting came in. I had a grand time indeed; great fellowship. The first thing I found out was that Ben and Lisa didn’t call me to go over their apartment last night. That wasn’t as much upsetting as it was dissapointing, nay, saddening and depressing. They didn’t call because they thought I didn’t talk to them anymore. I’m not sure where they gathered that, but they did somehow and I of course don’t think any less of them, I just think they are incorrect. I personally thought it was them that don’t talk to me. Now that they’ve got Julie, Danny, Erin and Ian, they don’t call as much as they used to. As in not at all. It’s too bad. They’re cool people. Hopefully things will change. I’ve never had a friend longer than six years, and that was the span of elementary school with Alex who used to live across the street from when I moved in before kindergarden and when he moved when I finished 5th grade. Ben and Lisa have just covered about 4 years. They are only beat out by Jillian who beats them by mere months. I was hoping they would last longer, like until I died.
Frienship is something were never taught how to do. We’re always learning as we go. Even though many friendships of mine have ended, I’ve never known how to say it’s time to see other people. Maybe the frienship of Ben and Lisa Vrazo with Sean Coté has run its course. Maybe time is up. I don’t know how to tell. I know I don’t want that time to be up. But different people are different people. If I remember, tomorrow I will post about a new analogy about life and how people aren’t ‘what they eat’, rather their prefered media/entertainment. Even though Ben and Lisa share many similar interests with me, perhaps its time they share those interests with new people, get a perspective on life and those interests different from mine. Perhaps they’ve learned all they can from me and now it is time to learn from new people. Or maybe they just want to hang out with people who will watch t.v. and movies with them or find it worthwhile to hang out with them while they sleep or are focused on their computer. Or maybe I’m just boring to them and they only do those things with me and they’ve now got other people to entertain them.
What could have upset me, and did to an extent, is that Carley pretty much called me a racist. I don’t have to explain why I’m not; I know why and if other people don’t know it’s no concern of mine. But I can and will say what she thought I was doing that was racist and why I think it’s not. I posted a while ago about the Cedar Point trip how we joked with Cartlon about being black. And how we could because we were really joking about the stereotypes, not him. And it was funny because he knew we weren’t serious. Carley found that to be insensitive. I will not disagree with that. But I won’t agree with it either. It is a very hasty generalization to assume that black people are as uptight about their skin colour and stereotypes about them as whites are. It is also a very hasty generalization to assume they are not as uptight about their skin colour and the stereotypes about them. Just like my black friend Brad in high school, we both looked past the differences and that’s why we had fun with them. Joking(not mocking) about someone being black is like joking about different idiosyncracies people have. I make fun of everyone. Everyone makes fun of me. When we accept our differences we can joke about them because we know those differences mean nothing, and are nothing. I have nothing against anyone who is the way they are because of the way they were born. I don’t like some peoples personalities, but that is unique to the person no matter what they look like. And I think nature and nurture play even roles, so I tolerate people because some things are a result of the way they were born or raised.
I of course realize that joking can go too far. And it is often a fine line. In elementary school I was often made fun of because I was short. I was also a wuss so that made me cry a lot. That was too far. But I don’t mind people joking about my height or my large ears or the music I listen to or etc., as long as I know it is in good fun and they aren’t carrying on for too long. And I try my best to be sensitive to know when it is long enough to carry on a joke. I’m not saying I always know or don’t ever cross the boarder.
I would personally love it if at 2nd Baptist I was refered to as ‘the honky’. I’d feel accepted. I know they don’t think less of me or think that their American history is my fault because I’m white. And because I know that, if they want to joke about stereotypes that mean nothing; fine. They mean nothing.
I wouldn’t, of course, joke unless I knew for certain it was o.k. If Carlton said stop, I’d never joke again. I’m one of the biggest conflict avoidance people I know and do my very best to make sure I’m not offending anyone. I don’t go out of my way, but if I can prevent offending someone, I will.
It appears to me that white(Americans at least) people are more uptight about being culturally sensitive and politically correct than anyone else around here. Has anyone ever heard Chris Rock do stand up? He makes fun of blacks a lot, and to a nearly entirely black crowd, and they are laughing the entire time. It seems that since whites can’t take a joke about themselves, they assume no one else can as well. I’ve felt more accepted at 2nd Baptist then I have at many predominately white churches. As long as it’s good spirited fun on both sides than great, were getting along. Anyone has the same potential for communication with me as anyone else.
I think this world could be a lot better if we got rid of all the white people. They seem to mess up more things than anyone else, and more of the problems in this world appear to be a result of white influence rather than anything else. From my experience with white people personally(being white myself and living and interacting with mostly whites) and white people in the media, white people seem rude, bitchy, uptight, arrogant, stubborn, haughty, power crazed, proud, ignorant, vain, oblivious to anything not them, careless, insensitive for real concerns and overly sensitive for futile concerns, ridiculous, narcissistic, conceited, egotistic, self-absorbed, self-centered, self-concerned, self-interested, self-involved, selfish, self-seeking, self-serving and what ever other words that aren’t in my vocabulary or thesaurus I don’t know or don’t have time to write. That of course is a stereotype and I don’t hate the white race.
I am not a racist. The point of my life is to love God with all my heart, soul and mind, and to love my neighbour as myself. Neither of which can be done without the other.
Read all that and you get something special.