April 22, 2004 @ 8:51 pm by sean
· A drummer walks into a library and says: “Hi I’ll have a burger, fries, and a large coke.” The librarian responds: Sshhhh….do you know where you are? This is a library!” The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: “Sorry….I’ll have a burger, fries and a large coke.”
Q – Why did the drummer join the band?
A – He wanted to hang out with musicians.
Q – What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A – Drool.
Q – “Hey buddy, how late does the band play?”
A – “Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer.”
· Heard backstage: “Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!”
Q – How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
A – The knock always slows down.
Q – How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A – Only one, but he’ll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they
can’t just be pushed in.
Q – How do you get 2 drummers to play in time?
A – Shoot one.
Q – What do you call someone who hangs around musicians?
A – The Drummer.
Q – What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A – Gifted.
Q – What’s the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A – You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
Q – What do Ginger Baker and 7-11 coffee have in common?
A – They both suck without Cream.
Q – What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla?
A – A really dumb gorilla!!!
Q – Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A – Me neither.
Q – Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A – So you don’t have to retrain the drummers.
Q – How can you make a drummer slow down?
A – Put a sheet of music in front of him
Q – How can you make that drummer stop?
A – Put notes on it!
Q – How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A – You can tell it’s coming, but you can’t do anything about it.
Q – How can you tell when the stage riser is level?
A – The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer’s mouth.
Q – What’s the funniest thing a drummer says in a band?
A – “Hey, guys – why don’t we try one of my songs? …”
Q – What’s the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A – About four bars by the end of the song.
Q – What does the dyslexic drummer do after a joke?
A – “Ching, Badumdum”.
Q – How do you make a flautist into a drummer?
A – You put another useless stick in his hand, and lower his I.Q. by 30 points.
Q – How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A – You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.
Q – Did you hear about the drummer that could play a steady beat?
A – Me neither.
Q – How can you tell if a drummer has been doing the crossword?
A – All the squares have been colored in.
Q – How do you confuse a bassist?
A – Put one of his strings out of tune, but don’t tell him which one!
Q – How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A – One, but the guitarist has to show him first
Q – Why do bands have bass players?
A – To translate for the drummer.
Q – Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
A – It took two hours to get the drummer out.
Q – What’s the definition of a bass player?
A – Halfway between a drummer and a musician.
Q – What’s the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that’s just eaten a tin of baked beans?
A – One’s a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the
other is a rhino.
Q – Why don’t bass players ever catch a cold?
A – Even a virus has some pride.
Q – What’s the best sound you can make with a guitar?
A – A splash.
Q – How many guitar players does it take to wallpaper a room?
A – Three, if you slice them thin enough.
Q – What’s the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund?
A – One matures.
Q – What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A – Homeless
Q – How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan
A – Evidently all of them.
Q – What is the definition of a minor second?
A – Two lead guitarists playing in unison.
Q – What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A – His amplifier.
Q – What’s the range of a Gibson Les Paul?
A – Depends on how far you throw it.
Q – Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A – So the rest of the band can understand them.
Q – What’s black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A – A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.
Q – What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
A – “Will the defendant please rise …”
Q – In the 22nd century, how many guitarists will it take to replace a light source?
A – Five, one to actually do it and four to reminisce about how much better the old tubes were.
Two guys were walking down the street, One was destitute, The other was
a guitarist as well.
Q – How do you make a guitarist’s eyes light up?
A – Shine a flashlight in his ear.
Q – What do you call a stressed guitar player?
A – Strung out!
Q – What’s worse than telling jokes about guitarists?
A – Laughing at ’em.
Q – What did the guitarist say to his crying guitar?
A – Don’t fret!
Q – What’s the best thing to play on an acoustic guitar?
A – Solitaire.
Q – What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
A – He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Q – What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.
A – Both suck when you plug them in.
Q – Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune?
A – Neither have I.
Q – Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
A – So they can park in the handicapped spot.
Q – What’s the difference between an Electric Guitar player and a dog ?
A – The dog knows when to stop Howling.
Q – What’s the difference between a Electric Guitar and an Acoustic Guitar?
A – The Electric Guitar burns longer.
Q – What is the first sign your Hallucinating?
A – Two electric guitar players are playing in tune.
Q – What do you call in “in-tune electric guitar”?
A – An oxymoron.
Q – How can you tell if there is a guitarist at the door?
A – He knocks out of time, and comes in too early.
Q – What’s the difference between a Stratocaster and a Les Paul?
A – A Stratocaster burns hotter; a Les Paul burns longer.
Q – What are the two most frequent heavy metal guitarist lies?
A – 1. I am not too loud! 2. I have already turned down!
Q – How do you know when there’s a female vocalist at the door?
A – She can’t find the key and doesn’t know when to come in.