January 22, 2004 @ 12:17 am by sean
i have no time to live anymore. this semester has soo much homework. im not having fun at all. im starting to question whether school is for me. or at least design. id rather know more about philosphy, but i dont know what kind of job that would get me. but i dont konw if i want a job in design. if i had to have one, i suppose that would be it. but just living in a small place in england that ends in “-shire” would be far better. im just tired. because lack of sleep, nay, of not being able to live. i dont have fun doing homework. the only time i have fun doing homework is when i work with matt in ryans room. cause then we talk about stuff. yesterday we talked a lot. almost all of the conversation revolved around me not wanting to be in design but philosphy instead and how i dont want to live the life that im almost destined to live in a post-industrial revolution, capitalistic america. i dont want a lot of money. i just want basic necessities like food shelter and health. i dont think this dream of a british car mechanic is as perfect as it seems. im sure itll be a lot dirtier and cheaper and capitalistic than id like it to be. and i dont think sheep farming is where its at either. though i dont mind working at the estate. i dont want to wake up early though and work long hours. and i think sheeps require one to get up early. and im scared sheep farming wont provide the money id like. though if i could live by sheep herding for clothes, farming for food, and logging for heat, maybe i coule be self-sufficient. i think new zealand is a place for that. i think the past is my future. i want to live pre-industrial revolution. none of this technology. none of this suburbanization. none of this mass-production. just outside of a small english town would be great. like the setting of the movie ‘babe’, just in england. that is a perfect house. and hey, he’s a sheep guy. either way, i want to be the philosophical guy of town. the ‘wise’ guy. ”old man coté knows the answer, lets go see him.” the town kids will say. my grandchildren will gather around my grand chair by the fireplace and ill tell them great stories and be merry while toking my pipe and drinking my wine. ill be a biblical scholar, perhaps even a bishop. the same babbling brooke on my property that i fish with my kids and later my grandkids is where i will walk to and relax on a warm rock and gaze into the stream from the small, old wooden bridge for inspiration. ill walk to town where everyone will know my name and ill know theirs and their idiosynracies. ill work somewhere in town, perhaps own a shop, but ill always go home for lunch and return to work with a spot of tea. my car will be an old 2-seat british roadster like a triumph or an mg that my wife and i will take long drives throught the country side in and stop to have picnics in the fields of my farmer friends. ill have a dark room where ill print my black and white photographs. my pictures will be of my fields and the surrounding english country-side. they wont be for art or for money sake, but to print up my life. to print my memories. ill garden a small garden with everything necessary for my wife to cook her wonderful meals. ill have a large library filled with all the respectable books full of knowledge and ill know them all. in the summer we’ll host the town festival in our fields. we’ll sheer the sheep for my wife to make sweaters with while she homeschools our children. if we can afford it, we’ll have a riding horse or two for riding across the beautiful land. though our house will be small, there will be a spare room for travelers passing by to stay for a small fee, or family and friends visiting from afar. ill finish my memiors in the lusciously green grassy hills while watching my sheep graze and my grandchildren play. then die a month after i finish my memiors in my sleep. my wife will already have gone by then, i dont want her to live without me. it seems old people get understandbly sad when they have to live without their soul mate of 50+ plus years, and i dont want her to have to endure that. my kids will publish my memiors and my photographs. everyone will fully realize the great knowledge i possesed, and my photographs will show them my life, through my eyes. and how they too can live as i did. then my kids will get rich off the book but donate most of the money and live just like i did. even though they were already living just down the path, along with the vrazos and carley. even you if youd like. if you are reading this i suppose i wouldnt mind you being around. then the coté name will live long as simple, but respected, intelligent folk. but before all that, i have design homework to do. cutting 1.5″x1.5″ pieces of paper.
go to www.furtherseemsforever.com you will be very interested at what you find, if you havent already found it.